Good News - I'm Alive And Well And Feeling Better

I'm Alive And Well And Feeling Better!

Everyday Better

Everyday
In every way
I'm getting better
And better
And better
But not according
To Joel Noftle.
He says I should
Keep quiet
About it
If I make
Any improvement.

Somerset's Hug

     Last night my youngest son Somerset (Nick) gave me what must have been the nicest hug he's ever given.  I think it was partly because I made a birthday cake for him on his birthday.

The Little Girl With So Many One Penny Pieces, She Gave Up by Joanne Okano

     When I was young, my mother gave me an allowance.  Pocket money we call it in England, by the way.  Well my pocket money didn't stretch very far, but I decided to buy a book, a children's book, in paperback at the bookstore.  It was a first time book, it wasn't old, and it cost quite a bit of money, 20p to be exact.  (That's 20 pence.)  I had it all in pennies, I said, since my mother paid me my pocket money in pennies.  So I counted them all out on the desk.  Everyone was waiting, even my mother.  When she saw I only had 17 pence (pennies) she provided the remainder of the price.  Wasn't that kind?

The End

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Conclusion)

     All adoring men put her aside though when they saw her lips move.
     "I like you," she said, and they ran.  They didn't want anything to do with her.
     "I love you," she said and they married someone else.
     Then he came along.  He too had been put down, and pushed around a lot so he knew how she felt. He didn't want her at first, he thought she was too ugly, but no, he thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.  Except for her flat feet and big tummy and syringe-like nose but that was to be expected.  He was older than her, by quite a few years.  They were kind to each other.  
     He was cousin Hork's nephew he said, so they married after a long engagement and getting-to-know-you period before that.  And it worked.  (And they had oodles of children.)

The End

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Five, again)

     And then she went into a dungeon at least that's what he said, because nobody would take her he said and she had to pay for her crimes against the children, he said, although he had done worse.  She had friends, she said.  Her friends were the missionaries.  And Elvis Presley.  That was about it, you think, but no, she had many more friends.  She was not a Dolly Parton type but men flocked to her you think, but no, they merely secretly admired her.  You see she had big teeth like an Osmond and nice legs like a Betty Grable.  

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (yes, we're still on Chapter Five)

     Now you may be wondering, what have I got into with this story.  Well don't worry, it gets better.  I think it gets better anyway.  They got together and separated a number of times, but never forever until the last time and then the dastardly man put her out on the street with all of her things except the books which she needed to teach school to the children and the clothes which she needed to wear and the hairpins and sequined dresses.  She had given those all away at his command, those sequined dresses.  He had said those were too loose on her figure.  She had nothing you think but no she had gummy bears to feed the children and a Book of Mormon and several suits of clothing for singing and dancing on stage (as if she felt like doing that) and her art materials which wowed her that she still had those because that made her life complete for the time being.

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (yet more of Chapter Five)

      She had had it with mink by the third night you know and so had the kids.  That was another thing. They weren't kids, she said.  They were children.  But the relatives said kids and that was the way they stayed.  Kids.  Baby goats.  Not my choice, you would have said, if you'd been there.
     "I've had enough of this," said Gretchen.  "You don't like my cooking or my language," and they had to move on the four children and Mum before they had rooted in one spot.  They went home.  Wherever that was.
      I am writing this at 3.20 in the morning and I hope you can make sense of this but that's all there was.  At least that's the way she said it was.  But the neighbours knew better and knew that she was a blank and had blanked them with a blank blank, that's why they were all so good, blanking blank of kittens and suchlike.  They were temper tantrum children like her.  Not him.  He was blank.  He blanked the horses he blanked.

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Five, More)

     So they parted company for a time.  They went to see the cousins in Utah in their palace.  They were Gretchen, the Ugly and her husband Prince Hork.  He raised pork with a name like that you think but no, mink.  They invited them in and made them at home.  They were citizens of the deli, and ate well, children with all that mink about, which they ate for supper, by the way.

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Five)

     He knew best.  He always did.  At least he said he did.  Why I don't know.  He was always putting her down and she was always putting him on a pedestal with a "yes, dear", you think but no, she had to mind out of his way, before he did her harm, and they left, she and the four children who looked like her but not like him, he said.  Why they left, he didn't know, he said.  Perhaps she didn't like washing the dishes.  It couldn't be that he put her down all the time and blank blank blank.

To Be Continued  

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Four, Still)

      They blank blank blank, the wedding night was a flop.  She lived on her side of the house and he on his.  They had separate rooms and separate beds, cubbyholes for their clothes, you name it.  I don't know why they liked each other to begin with I would say if I were an onlooker, but I'm not, I'm their  
author and I know they weren't in love.
      He was an addled character.  They adopted four children and they all had hairy markings down their back, like their mother but he knew they weren't related to him because they looked like each successive man who'd been that way.  At least that's what he said.  They weren't his and they weren't hers because she was the mother but she wasn't the mother, if you know what I mean.  You don't get it and neither do I but that's what he said.

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Four continued)

     That was the order of things.  But they were too young.  That was another thing you think.  No they were too young because they hadn't been through those two steps.  Otherwise they weren't too young.  They were old, in fact,  on her side.  She was an old unwanted thing, they said.  No one wanted her, if you want to be brutally honest.  But here parents blank blank blank.  They blank blank blank blank.
     That's why she was on the run from them.  She wanted to marry him and she was going to have her way.  She needed to have her way, she thought.  But no, she needed to calm down and he needed to calm down, if it were a simpler situation, but it wasn't.  Such is life.
      I don't know what they should have done about it.
      Nothing became of it.  Everything went wrong.

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Three)

Chapter Three

      Matilda cried and cried and cried.  She would never see him again.  Her face looked like a Greek witch, he said.  How could she ever get over him?  She never would.  She knew it.  At least she thought she knew it.  So they married.

Chapter Four

     Now you may be wondering why they got married.  So was he.  He didn't want her.  She didn't want him, at least she said she did but it was all in her head, he said.  Sometimes it's that way.

      Why did they get married?  I don't know.  But I know one thing.  They shouldn't have got married. They should have waited until they knew each other better before dating and then waited longer before they were married.

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Two, I can't quite get to Chapter Three)

     Oh well, some people don't listen, and then they make mistakes.  Hesitate not, children, when the time comes, to benefit from this advice, and I will have done a good job, I think.  I am only an old woman, after all and have only this advice to give today.  Too old to knit, you say, but no, I do that on Saturdays.
      She sat up straight that girl, and so do you, but could you sit up straighter?  Yes, that's it.
      Now back to the story. 
      How many times a week have you been to the post office children?  There was a Greek witch at the post office you say and you never went there again.  Oh well, such is life.  I went to the post office one day and there was a Greek witch there too but Matilda LOOKED like a Greek witch and that was worse.

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Two, still)

     The prince loved it too and so he invited her to a dance you think, but no that wasn't until he saw her legs.  She flounced her skirt and he looked her up and down and invited her to a dance, on account of her nice legs.  (She had to have some redeeming feature.)
     Her dancing was temporary until she slipped and fell and he bent and picked her up, you know and the mushroom jolted into the wrong place and gave her indigestion.  She was quite up in arms about it.
     "What shall I do next?  My dancing is over for the evening," she quipped to her fiance, which he was by this point.
     Now this wasn't wise, children, you know why?  This dancing I mean.  They got to know each other too quickly without the arms-length period at the beginning the Church recommends.  And the fiance thing, well, that was too fast too.  

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Two continued)

Chapter Two, continued

     Was it that the Prince came by?  She only ate mushrooms on special occasions, you know.  Her mother couldn't understand it.  She scolded her for being so obstinate and poor Matilda cried.  She cried and cried you know.  Finally she died of grief nearly.  Parents shouldn't behave like that you know, but she did and her mother didn't, you think but no, it was her mother who did the fibbing that she was a nothing.  And so she ate a mushroom without shards of glass on it children, don't worry it wasn't THAT sort of mushroom with shards of glass on it, it was a HARD one with an apricot flavour and she simply LOVED it.

That's it for today, children.  Amen for now.

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter Two)

Chapter Two

     Every night for dinner, she had the same thing - brussel sprouts.  That was all she would eat.  Her nerves were such that was all she could take and she ate it anyway, you think despite her fat tummy but no her stomach got SMALLER when she ate it because it helped her liver.  

     Only a breath away was a Prince, but he was the wrong sort, he only wanted to dance, not play the fiddle as she did or sit at the harmonica playing it you think.  Oh no, that is a piano, I quite forgot myself, children, please excuse me.  Well back to the story.  There are some things you don't know unless the children tell you as an author, isn't that right, rickety author that I am.  It's my eyesight.  I thought that was a harmonica but I see that the artist has drawn a piano.  Flyspecks on my glasses, I expect.  Oh well.  

     Matilda was a glutton too and only ate the insides of the brussel sprouts.  She left the caps.  They have little caps on, didn't you know?  Does your mother take the caps off?  Ask her.  Oh I'm joking of course, and gluttons aren't picky eaters, I only thought I'd speculate as to what it was that made her eat a mushroom on that day in question.

To Be Continued

Matilda, The Ugly, A Romance (Abridged) by Joanne Okano (Chapter One) As Dictated To Me By Beatrix

Chapter One

     Once upon a time, an old widow had a daughter who was so ugly and witch-like that no one wanted her for a wife.  But she could dance and that led her to believe that she could have a chance at being a bride.

      She had a nose like a syringe, flat feet, nice legs from dancing, a big stomach from a bad liver, bad breath and big TEETH.

     The old widow remarried a young dude ranch owner and together they harassed poor Matilda, the Ugly, as she was known until she was livid.  She was such a nice girl when she wasn't livid, but when she was livid, watch out!

     She talked very fast about a lot of subjects including the price of electricity, the value of fasting and a variety of other things like dancing and why to dance.

     She had absolute hysteria if she saw a mole on your face, as it looked so wickedly ugly to her, but I suppose everyone has they own kind of ugly, just as everyone has they own kind of beautiful.

     "Scurvy is not a topic with which I am acquainted," she said one day to her maid, "but we could talk about that today, if you like.  I did have scurvy when I was eleven, I do remember, but I don't remember much about it."

     Running up and down stairs all day, that maid was, to keep Matilda busy with something to say, but that was all she did.  She was the Talking Maid.  Not that she did the talking.  There was the Walking Maid, the Misery Maid (for when she was in misery) and so forth and on and on it went until finally there was the Schooling Maid.  Matilda was a homeschooler of course and schooling was done at home.  She marched to the beat of a different drummer that girl, that was for sure!  

     An arrowroot cookie she had for breakfast, just like when she was a baby, then off to the schoolroom and fast asleep.  Until the teacher came that is, the Schooling Maid, and then she woke up.  

     The lessons consisted of 1, 2, 3, A, B, C and so forth until she got to Z and then she started at the beginning again and continued.  That was all she ever did.  She got her knowledge from at table for her talking bouts but people didn't see that as her schooling, but it was.  So far so good.

To Be Continued

Poem (A Sunny Day) by Joanne Okano

A sunny day,
A sunny mind.
Let's all be friends,
Let's all be kind.

Achieving Happiness And Joy

     Happiness and joy is free for everyone.  Jesus came to earth so that we can have eternal happiness if we so choose.  There are lots of things that make us happy.  Being creative making drawings of all the instruments of the orchestra for my five year old daughter to colour made me feel happy and fulfilled.  Being a trainee doula at a birth made me feel happy.