An Allusion To Tim Horton's - Everyone needs a joke today

     Woman to Man:  "Why don't you go to Tim Horton's for a donut?  Maybe you'll give birth to a baby there too!"
     Man to Woman:  "No, I don't want to have a baby.  I think I'll go home via McDonalds."


Inside Joke
     Man To Woman:  "When are you going to give out another pie?"
     Woman To Man:  "I wasn't going to.  Did you want one?"
     Man:  "No.  I was just wondering are you going to give one to him?"
     Woman:  "No, he doesn't want one either because it tasted so awful."

Ties That Get Swiped From Brothers
     Young Man:  "My brother swiped my tie."
    Mummy:  "What did you do to deserve that?"
    Young Man:  "Nothing, but he said I'm mean so he took it."

The Panache Prison
     Old Person:  "I've got panache and you'll want some too because it doesn't do to be without it when you're an old person."
    Middle-Aged Person:  (Prays) "God, Please help me have panache." 
     God:  "Shazam!  Off you go to a mental asylum.  That's the kind of panache you're going to get.  Do all you can to stay well there and I'll let you out! 
     Poor Person In Mental Asylum:  "I can't believe I'm in here."
     Voice:  "I can."
     Poor Person In Mental Asylum:  "Who's that?"
     Voice:  "God.  Remember that prayer?"
     Poor Person:  "Oh, no - that prayer got me in here?"
     God:  "Be careful what you pray for."

Elders Win
     Elders:  "Deck the halls with boughs of holly!"
     "Thank you for singing," said a voice.  "I'd throw you a coin but I haven't any left."
     Elders:  "We don't need coins, just love."
     Voice:  "Then I'll invite you in for cocoa."
     Elders:  "Thank you."  (They go in.)
     Elders:  "May we sit down please."
     Man:  "Sure.  Sit here."
     Elders:  "We haven't anywhere to sit, but on the floor.  Is that right?"
     Man:  "Sure."
     Elders:  "It hurts to sit.  Are there nails on the floor?"
     Man:  "No, candles.  Oh, shall I blow them out?"
     Elders:  "Yes, please.  Ah, now we can see again."
     (Now you know what the elders are up against.  They never know what to expect.)
     Elders:  "Would you like to be baptized?"
     Man:  "Sure.  What does baptized mean?"
     Elders:  "I'm not sure we have time to tell you.  The house is on fire."
     (The Second Coming is coming shortly folks.  Be ready.)
     Man:  "Thanks elders.  I think I'll be baptized."
     (They baptize him.)
     Elders:  "Now go and tell your friends."