Chapter One
Once upon a time, an old widow had a daughter who was so ugly and witch-like that no one wanted her for a wife. But she could dance and that led her to believe that she could have a chance at being a bride.
She had a nose like a syringe, flat feet, nice legs from dancing, a big stomach from a bad liver, bad breath and big TEETH.
The old widow remarried a young dude ranch owner and together they harassed poor Matilda, the Ugly, as she was known until she was livid. She was such a nice girl when she wasn't livid, but when she was livid, watch out!
She talked very fast about a lot of subjects including the price of electricity, the value of fasting and a variety of other things like dancing and why to dance.
She had absolute hysteria if she saw a mole on your face, as it looked so wickedly ugly to her, but I suppose everyone has they own kind of ugly, just as everyone has they own kind of beautiful.
"Scurvy is not a topic with which I am acquainted," she said one day to her maid, "but we could talk about that today, if you like. I did have scurvy when I was eleven, I do remember, but I don't remember much about it."
Running up and down stairs all day, that maid was, to keep Matilda busy with something to say, but that was all she did. She was the Talking Maid. Not that she did the talking. There was the Walking Maid, the Misery Maid (for when she was in misery) and so forth and on and on it went until finally there was the Schooling Maid. Matilda was a homeschooler of course and schooling was done at home. She marched to the beat of a different drummer that girl, that was for sure!
An arrowroot cookie she had for breakfast, just like when she was a baby, then off to the schoolroom and fast asleep. Until the teacher came that is, the Schooling Maid, and then she woke up.
The lessons consisted of 1, 2, 3, A, B, C and so forth until she got to Z and then she started at the beginning again and continued. That was all she ever did. She got her knowledge from at table for her talking bouts but people didn't see that as her schooling, but it was. So far so good.
To Be Continued
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